15
Jan
13

I shanked my daughter

I guess I should preface this post by saying that I am in no way a child abuser.  I did, however, try to shank my daughter.  It is true.  I tried to shank my child.  I tried to shank her in the eye.  She deserved it.

Brittany woke up this morning with the crud.  Knowing that Brittany is my dramatic one and that I had a full day ahead, I medicated the child and sent her on her way to school telling her that she could be picked up during the few gaps I had in my schedule-one was at ten and the other from eleven to one.  I was hoping she would forget about feeling bad and make it through the day.

I got the call at 10:15 and took Brittany to her grandmother’s to spend the rest of the day while I worked.  Apparently, she recovered with a bit of rest and was not nearly stimulated enough with the old lady because she was off the hook from the moment I picked her up.

My normally bubbly child was off the charts with her craziness; she bounced around the stores as we ran errands constantly in front of whatever shelf I was looking at (accidently on purpose), we were on each other’s feet, and the poor store clerks had to think we were both mental as she chattered endlessly distracting me making me look like the crazy one.

Then, we had Girl Scouts.  She was surrounded by a bunch of her crazy peers.  She had a captivated audience which just encouraged her behavior.  Yes, it was a fun night.

At the end of the meeting as I was helping clean up, Brittany went ahead to the car.  She came back when I was not moving fast enough to encourage me to hurry along.  I headed down the hall of the church clutching my keys off in my own little world.  Then, Brittany jumped out of the open doorway I was walking by.

I am very proud of myself for not screaming.  I did, however, instinctively throw my arm out towards the child.  My keys were at close to her eye level; I almost shanked my kid’s eye.  I am Super Mom.  I guess that will teach the kid not to scare her poor mother.  Luckily, no children were harmed in the making of this blog and we had a good laugh as we made our way to the car.

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