Abortion-Not An Easy Decision

If you follow me on twitter or have read some of my previous blogs, you have heard about my sister’s gem of a boyfriend.  My sister is young and dumb.  She has had one child with the man and they live together.  She is not happy and knows he is not faithful, but won’t leave because of a laundry list of reasons-she loves him, her child, financial, etc.  She knows the relationship will not last forever.  A few weeks ago, my sister called in a panic.  She was pregnant.

I remained neutral and let my sister do the talking.  When she told me she was pregnant the first time, I told her I would support her decision and let her know there were options; I even offered to adopt the child.  I told her that the same was still true and asked her what she wanted to do.  She wanted to abort and wanted to do so as quickly and quietly as possible.

Abortion was not an easy decision for my sister.  She had never been particularly pro-choice.  She wants to have more children, but they are barely getting by now and worried about how they would make it with two especially if she had to on her own.  Adoption was out of the questiuon for a few reasons which I understood.

A few family members learned about the pregnancy and my sister’s decision.  I was impressed with how most of them handled the situation.  I was particularly proud of Larry; his ex had considered abortion for their child, so he is very against the option.  However, Larry offered to help and told her that he was sorry that she had to deal with it.  My brother was also supportive and actually helped to pay for the procedure without my sister knowing (she thought that I had been the only one to help financially).  My mom did not take the news well, but understood and kept her mouth shut.  Later, she confided that she was worried about my sister and how she would handle things later; she loves her in spite of disliking the decision which is all one can really hope for some days.

Unfortunately, there was one person that was openly opinionated and against my sister’s decision.  It was her boyfriend’s sister.  The couple did not share the news of the pregnancy with anyone on his side.  She found the pregnancy test in the trash at their house.  She was very vocal in letting my sister know that she did not support the decision.  My sister is not always the most assertive person, so I was very proud of her for telling her to butt out and that is was not her decision to make.  I worried, silently, what his sister would do or say after the fact as she tends to be mouthy, but kept my mouth shut.

I went with my sister the day of the procedure.  I offered to go; my sister needed support.  We had an insanely long wait which allowed me to people watch.  It was incredible to me how different the patients in the clinic were; there were women of all ages and from all walks of life.  I watched how they interacted with the person that brought them and tried to piece together what their story might be.  So many are affected; it was really eye opening.

A few weeks have passed since my sister originally found out she was pregnant.  We really haven’t had reason to talk about her decision.  She did wonder briefly if she had made the right decision recently when a friend had a new baby.  Holding the infant in the hospital was hard for her and made her second guess her decision, but only for a moment.  She knows she made the right decision for herself and for her child.

Today, I saw a post on my Facebook page that really hit me the wrong way.  I am friends with the sister of my sister’s boyfriend; we worked together on my sister’s baby shower and grew up around one another.  Normally, she doesn’t say a lot, but today, knowing about my sister’s recent pregnancy, she posted an anti-abortion post with the comment that she didn’t care what others thought and that it was her own opinion.

Normally, I am fine with people having opinions other than my own.  I expect it and actually appreciate it.  However, her post was an attack on my sister’s recent decision.  It will be on her feed and she will see the opinions all of the narrow minded people that agree with the post.  To me, that is just hateful.  It was a passive aggressive way to handle not liking the decision and, while I appreciate that she did not continue to vocally object and hurt my sister directly, this is just as bad.  I thought about saying something, but decided not to waste my breath and unfriended her as I have no use for hateful people in my life.  I only wish that my sister could do the same both online and in real life.

I normally shy away from topics like this; I really dislike talking about things that can cause an uprorar.  However, this hit so close to home recently that it has been on my mind a lot lately.  It is all so black and white when it is on television or online, but it is not so simple when you are in the position to decide.  Regardless of your own view, please remember to be kind.


2 Responses to “Abortion-Not An Easy Decision”

  1. February 4, 2013 at 4:57 am

    Great post and nice job with unfriending her! Being pro choice means just that–being kind and respectful of women’s choices, whatever they may be. No, I really don’t think the father should have the final say because they aren’t the ones who have to go through the pregnancy or put their life and risk. I think the video going viral about men testing out what childbirth is like might be a helpful tool in letting men know that it’s quite painful! Maybe theyd be less likely to force women to continue with pregnancy.

    Anyway, I kind of got off topic! Thanks for posting though!

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