Archive for October, 2015

09
Oct
15

A Mullet Free Happily Ever After

Larry got married last Saturday.  Yeah, the guy that was just living under my roof six months ago.  And, he got married to a girl that he denied seeing while living under my roof.  Classy.  On the up side, she is old and has a mullet-a legit mullet.  I hope they live happily ever after.  No, seriously-I do.

It is crazy to me that he has found someone that he is willing to spend the rest of his life with already since I have yet to find anyone that I can entertain the thought of being around for more than a few days.  Granted, he always wanted the wife and all the crap that came with it, but six months?!

The last few weeks have really made me re-evaluate things with regards to my relationships.  I got bored and tried online dating for a minute last weekend, really more like 24 hours, and was not impressed.  I got a Class A clinger out of the deal.  72 hours of talking and I send a Dear John text saying it was not a good time for me.  I am still talking to the Facebook guy periodically, but that is going nowhere.  I don’t really mind because I like him and I am not invested, but it is getting old.  I have not bothered with the other stragglers which might not be the best option since some of them are good guys, but factors being what they are I just don’t know how to proceed, but I digress.

Tonight is a girls’ night out with my bff and, hopefully, little sister.  I need some fun and harmless flirting with older drunken guys (those are generally what I get).  After tonight, I am focusing on what should be priorities anyways-work, school, kids, home, yadda, yadda, yadda.  They are always the priority, but no more wasting time on lost causes.  Not opposed to something great if it comes along, but enough with the time wasters already and comparing my life to Larry’s.  My happily ever after will get here when it gets here and will definitely be mullet free.

04
Oct
15

Dipping My Toes In The Dating Pool

So, Larry moved out six months ago.  Since he moved out, I have been dipping my toes into the dating pool trying desperately not to catch whatever funky bacteria floats around in that pool.  So far, I have not been very successful, but it can be entertaining.

Not really sure what I am looking for which might be part of the problem, but a few things I have figured out this far…

  1. All talk and no action gets BORING. If you like me, ask me out.  I can only make small talk for so long.
  2. Get with the 21st I don’t care if you are not on social media, but learn how to use your phone.  Keep up with your phone.  I am sorry, but I cannot relate with someone that can lose their phone for days and not be flippin’ their shit.
  3. If you are interested, you will make time. I am understanding when it comes to busy scheduled because they don’t get much worse than my own, but after a certain point, you really just aren’t that into me.  Let’s be real.
  4. Perhaps it is good that you know you are just wanting a hookup, but never approach me just wanting a hookup. Nothing about me screams easy.  If anyone sees otherwise, let me know so I can change that shit.
  5. In keeping with #4, I am not a good booty call. Now don’t get me wrong, I am awesome in bed. Yes, I know this sounds conceited, but it is true.  Really, no matter how good it is, I am going to get tired of talking dirty and occasionally getting laid.  Eventually, I am going to want more and need there to be something to build on.
  6. Ties to my friends and/or family creep me out a little. Not saying I cannot get over it, but if you just broke up with my cousin, probably not going to be eager to go out with you.  My relationships with family and friends are dear to me- not trying to mess that up and with my relation
  7. ship track record…yeah.
  8. Being overly forward to me via social media is creepy and can be downright comical (my friends have a field day with a couple of my admirers’ posts). Especially if we never talk otherwise.  Direct message me.
  9. Be real. I appreciate honesty.  And you can be honest without being an asshole.  I realize that I am an acquired taste and if I am not for you, you should probably acquire some (joking).  But for real, not everyone is a match.  Be a good grown up and human being, not an ass.  Karma is a bitch.
  10. I like my space. I already knew this, but having been single for the last six months has really reinforced this.  Don’t blow up my phone or be too eager to see me, it scares me off. Yeah, again, I know, I have issues.
  11. I have a frigging awesome life and do not need anyone. I am not looking for someone to rescue me.  I do not need a knight in shining armor.  But, if you are happy to act silly or just chill once in a while, I might be the girl for you.

Honestly, I will probably think of a dozen more things I should have included in this list.  And I am sure some of you are in the same boat and have your own input.  What have you learned in your own recent dating experiences?  Inquiring minds want to know.