21
Jan
16

I Am Who I Am-That’s All I’ll Be

Obviously, if you have read any of my tweets or posts, you know I am single and trying to date again.  I own that I am not a great dater.  Really, I have not had a lot of practice which is not necessarily a bad thing…

Over the last few months I have met some interesting people and learned a good bit about myself.  Really, the biggest lesson was something I kind of already knew, but it just took a bit for it to sink in.  That lesson is actually pretty simple and should probably be my new mantra:  I can be too much for some people and those people generally suck.

So maybe that sounds a little harsh.  But really, it is true. I love the cliché saying, “Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle.”  That is what I have let happen in the past- my mom told me early into my relationship with Larry that he was not the one because he did not have my ambition. He was a stick in the mud. I quit doing things I enjoyed and did not look towards the future because I did not want to hear his negativity towards my hopes and dreams.

Determined not to let that happen again, I embarked on my dating adventures. Really there has only been a few:

I reconnected with an ex thinking that he was the one that got away. He was not and I was not going to be happy waiting for him to be the person I built him up to be in my mind. He would never be THAT guy. Next, I spent months talking on and off to a guy that was great on paper, but was never into me enough to really give dating a go. As much as I like to think I was not putting things on hold in hopes of him, I kinda was and that is a big no no.

Then, after a few online dating disasters, I met a nice, normal guy! We went out on real dates. He met my kids. Things seemed to be progressing but there was something I could not put my finger on. He told me that he was worried I would get bored which I thought was silly.  Then, we went out with my children.  Honestly, they were on good behavior and we had a good time.  Afterwards, however the guy was even more aloof.  He said that he and his kids did not have fun like we do. The differences were just too much. As nice as he was, he would be another one that would squash my spirit. He realized it before I did and quit calling.  It was an eye opener for me.

One might think that would be enough, but I never give up.  One of my best and worst traits. I started talking to another seemingly nice guy. We are taking it slow which is good since we met online. Our first attempt at a date fell through, my schedule is crazy, and now we are gearing up for a big snowstorm.  On the plus side, it gives us more time to chat.  During tonight’s conversation I was asked about what my warning label would read and I think I was able to articulate myself pretty well…

It would probably include being overly approachable which often leads to awkward conversations, being prone to random outbursts, constantly striving for more and/or better. My warning contains nothing really terrible, but I tend to be the one that keeps things interesting in my circle. I can be too much for some people, but I have learned that those people generally suck.

Dude took it in stride.  Maybe he thinks I am over exaggerating, but he has officially been warned. I guess time will tell.  Regardless, I am going to live my life and be who I am.

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