Losing it

I generally feel like I keep myself together despite the crazy that is my normal life. My house might not be immaculate and some might question my sanity, but, for the most part, I think I do okay. Well, some days.

This month has been a struggle. Especially mornings. It is harder and harder for me to get up and moving. This morning was no different. I woke up late, threw on clothes and was ready to head out the door.

Then, I remembered that I had forgotten to take my pills.  Back in the house I went.

Minutes later, I got on the road and a couple of miles into my commute remembered the errand that I have to run at lunch. It requires my checkbook which I do not normally carry. So, I turned around. Now, it is important to realize I was already ridiculously late before turning around, but the errand is that important.

I run back in my house and tear apart my desk which is covered in my kids’ papers and such that they have been bringing home over the last couple of weeks in preparation for the end of school, no checkbook. Panic sets in. I tear apart the side tables thinking maybe it is on one of them. Nothing. I take a big breath and try to retrace where I would have had it last. The school. I used it to pay for summer classes. I would have had it in the car.

I run back out to the car which I was in minutes before and find the stupid checkbook in my purse. Seriously.

At that point, I am beyond ridiculously late, irritated as hell, and I still have not had breakfast. I treated myself to Dunkin Donuts.

Funny thing about losing it. For some reason, whenever I feel like I have hit bottom and I am at my wits end, things start happening. I had a surprise in my inbox from one of my clients and have had a great morning at work. My oldest that is home today is being unusually kind to me via messaging. And my sister has started to slowly initiate contact again.

My favorite mantra these days is, “It is just a bad day, not a bad life.” Well, this morning, it was just a bad morning, but it is a pretty darn good day.


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