Archive for August, 2016

31
Aug
16

Independent Baby

I will never claim to be a great parent, but I try hard and have not killed either of them yet, so I think I am winning. As the girls have gotten older, I have come to appreciate their independence and the freedom that comes with having teenagers. That being said, I really do try to be a good parent and present as much as humanly possible.

With the new school year, however, we have new challenges with my being present. My younger daughter has a zero period class meaning she has to be at school over an hour before her sister and it is her music class, so she is transporting her instrument. Being nice, I have been driving her which makes me leave around 10 minutes after waking up my older daughter.

In the afternoons, my older daughter has marching band until 6pm. If I go to the gym after work, it is generally from 6-7 or 7:30. So on good days, I will see my oldest from 7:30 to 11. However, she is not a night owl and is usually in bed between 9 and 10. So I get a big hour and a half some days with the kid.

Mondays are a little crazy, but this one was a bit more than the norm. We did the new normal for the morning. I saw my oldest just long enough to wake her up. My younger had a lesson from 6-6:30 which threw off my time, but I was out and about when my older got released from band, so I drove her home. After I picked up the younger, I headed to the gym where I met my best friend and we worked out for an hour, then we went to pack some of her apartment for an upcoming move. When I got home it was 9. Both girls were in the bed-shocking! Really, it was. I figured they would be up to chat a bit at least, but since they were not, I ran back out and had a drink with my friend.

Tuesday, was another off day. The morning was normal. I did get to see my oldest for a minute because she was not feeling well and skipped band. I saw her for about 15 minutes when I ran home to pick up my younger daughter to go to Back to School Night. We were there until 9, and I had a late dinner with the girls which was immediately followed by my oldest dragging her butt to bed.

I have seen my oldest for maybe an hour over the last two days. During this time, she has tried to talk to me about her school stuff, but even while I am there, I am going in a zillion different directions. She brought this to my attention yesterday afternoon as she told me that she does not have a mom these days. She is an “Independent Baby.” That’s right. She is not an adult (her words), but does not have a mom this week.

Initially, I was amused by the comment. Honestly, I still am. This week has a lot more going on than most. I would love to be more present and I guess I could, but that would require eliminating things that I value like being a good friend. I am really thankful that I have an “independent baby” that can handle being on her own a bit from time to time, but after the last couple of days I am looking forward to a little slow down.

 

26
Aug
16

Warning: Crazy Lady

I lost my shit.

I would love to say that I have a great reason. I really don’t. It has been a mountain of things that piled up into one explosion of me yelling, slamming doors, cursing under my breath, and just being an all-around nasty person. I don’t even want to be around myself today.

I am just over it all this morning.

  • It is the first week of school. I have been fighting with the school constantly over my kids’ schedules with little to no response from their guidance counselor. Their last attempt made everything worse and, in turn, my youngest has been a royal pain.
  • It is my final week of classes, so assignments are due at midnight tonight. I was up until 1am writing a 16 page paper. I still have a test and business plan to do before midnight around work and our first football game.
  • My sleep schedule is off because one of my daughters was determined to take a zero period class
  • My house is a disaster and we have company coming over for dinner before the game tonight
  • No one has done anything that I have asked them to this week. At. All.
  • My dog stinks and refused to let my kid pick him up for a bath last night. His tail is mated. Grooming appointment next week, but in the meantime, he looks unkept.
  • I am menstrual

Funny how typing out all of my issues makes me just look crazier. Seriously, I need to take a chill pill.

23
Aug
16

Returning to the Crazy

Routine has returned! Thank you, sweet baby Jesus! Excited to be returning to our brand of crazy-school, extra-curriculars, and busy social lives make me happy.

Yesterday was the first day of school for the girls and to say I was thrilled might be an understatement. It is kind of crazy that I am excited as I am since the girls are old enough to stay home alone and do whatever, but things just run so much smoother when we all have routines. And, even though it is only day two, I am already feeling better about life.

In an ideal world, I would resume my morning workout schedule and hit the gym from 5:30-6:30 daily. Yesterday, I overslept (the first day of school-go me!). This morning I did it. Funny thing but hitting the gym gives me a great start to the day. I am put together somewhat and was able to even start a load of laundry this morning.

This year is especially nice with regards to back to school since both of my girls are in high school. They are back on the same schedule for the most part. No more crazy long bus rides in the afternoons or worrying that someone might miss a bus in the mornings. We are walking distance from the high school-SCORE!

My younger daughter is going to be taking a zero period class if they ever fix her schedule. This will mean that if I take her, I will be out of the house early enough to actually get to work on time. As of right now, that is my plan. I may have to adjust my morning routine a bit for this, but I think it will be a good change.

With the return to us all being on schedule comes better life decisions. I am back on the meal planning bandwagon. Whichever kid gets home first starts preparing whatever is needed for dinner. Last night, my daughter had lasagna on the table by the time her sister and I got home. The crockpot is my friend a lot of the time and I have decided just to keep salad mix and chicken strips on hand if they don’t feel like eating whatever I have planned or if we have an off night for some reason.

In addition to the better eating, we all just seem to work together better when we have our routines. Chores get done in a timelier manner-the board is back. Family study halls become a thing. We all appreciate our down time as well. As if I do not already live for our Tuesday night crap television shows, I really appreciate it when we have all had two full days of crazy.

Funny how much the little things can make a difference. I am a tired, but happy girl this morning. Love our kind of crazy.

19
Aug
16

Reflecting

Confession. I have not always had the best self-esteem. Hell, I still do not. But I have come to the realization over the last year or so that I am actually pretty darn awesome.

I work in a career that allows me to help people. I make a difference. Granted, I do not get to help as many people as I would wish, but I still make an impact. And I can always do more.

I am a good friend. I keep my circle small, but those in the inner circle know that I have their back.

I have a great family. Seriously. My siblings tell it like it is and encourage me to do better. My daughters are my reason for living and bonus are two of my closest friends/confidants (within reason). My parents and grandma love and support me and the girls. And I still have a huge network of my ex’s family that is involved not only my kids’ lives, but in mine as well.

I will probably never be a skinny girl. I was never the one the guys fell over and may never be, but I have come to realize that I am not as hideous as the old me once thought. I have good hair and eyes. I might be shaped like a potato, but I clean up okay. Hell, I am my own kind of hot in pinup.

Physically, I am strong. Stronger than I was a year ago, and continuing to get stronger each day. I have come to enjoy the gym not just because of the activity but because I am able to free my mind for a bit.

Spiritually, I am a little more at peace and I am comforted knowing that the big guy upstairs has my back.

Mentally, I still struggle some days with self-esteem issues. I have my good and bad days dealing with depression. I overthink and stress, but it never keeps me down for long.

I am far from perfect, but I do have a lot to be thankful for. I love this life that I have created for myself and that is constantly changing. I am a lucky girl.

16
Aug
16

Dating Chronicles-Taking a Breather

It has been a bit since I wrote about my love life. Honestly, there really is not a lot to say. It is pretty darn sad.

It has been about a month since my last date. It was a second date and went very well, I thought. The guy was going to have surgery a few days later, so I figured that it would be a while before I heard from him again. I reached out a couple of times just to be nice and check in on him. I feel like it might have been too much, but I was really just trying to be nice and would have done that for anyone. Regardless, I liked the guy and was cool with whatever, but have not heard from him other than he commented on a Facebook post I put up a week or two ago. Lame. Not holding my breath for anything to come of it, but if he resurfaces once he is fully healed, we can see.

Other than that, I have tried my hand at online dating again a couple of times. I put my profile up, get a few emails, get completely disgusted with the opposite sex, and take it down again. I have had a few that seemed to be interesting, but they have not gone anywhere. It really seems like everyone is after sex which I enjoy, but I want more. I deleted one account permanently last night and removed the app that allowed me fast access to the other. I think it is time to go back to the old fashioned way of doing things for a bit.

In the midst of all of this, I have come to realize that I have a pretty funny circle of guys in my life that keep me in check. I make some very random friends. I adopted a 26 year old, dread-headed hottie at the bar-totally friend zoned. I have my 37 year old pretty boy that my best friend dated and we have kept around. And my younger brother; he is definitely my most honest confidant. So maybe I am not lucky enough to be in a relationship with a hottie of my own, but I can have anywhere from one to three guys with me on any given night. Who’s winning here? Haha.

So there you have it. This girl is taking a break; it is time. There is just too much going on and stressing over this mess is not worth it. I am letting whatever happens happen and enjoying the life I have with the people that love, or at least like, me.