Archive for March, 2017

27
Mar
17

Dating Chronicles: I cancelled

I cancelled.

Last Friday, for the first time in almost two months I had a date planned. He seemed nice enough. Normal enough.

I cancelled.

I really thought I was interested. I was on spring break and bored, so I started online dating again. He was kind of cute, decent personality, and I thought it might be worth exploring I agreed to a date and we planned a week out.

Initially, I was excited. He seemed really nice and into me. Honestly, those things have not changed. However, my interest started to decrease quickly as the date approached for a few reasons…

  1. He wanted to talk on the phone. A lot. I talk on the phone for a living and my evenings are full. I have no interest in chatting it up with someone on the phone.
  2. Conversations when we did talk were one sided. This could be partially because I hate talking, but omg try to engage the other person.
  3. He was pushy. We had not met and he was already talking about second dates and asking what I was really looking for down the road
  4. He still had up pictures of his ex on social media (I did not stalk to find this, but noticed after adding him)
  5. He social media stalked me

None of these were huge issues, but compiled, I just got a bad vibe. On top of already feeling ill, he was just too much.

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21
Mar
17

Seasons Change

Seasons change. Today was the first day of spring and I guess my feelings are appropriate considering, but I cannot seem to shake the feeling that I need a change. Really, the fact that I am feeling this way is a little surprising; I just had a week of break from my classes and thought I would be somewhat recharged. Instead, I am exhausted.

That is probably a good place as any to start. I am exhausted. It is not just an “I could really use a nap” kind of tired, either. It is a tired that I feel in my soul. I have an unrest of sorts brewing somewhere deep inside of me and it is manifesting itself everywhere.

I feel it at work. I have zero ability to concentrate lately. My mojo is lost. I had a strong start to the year and now things are slowing. Honestly, it is natural considering the work that I do, but it still makes me anxious. Sitting at the desk for eight hours a day with no real results kills me. I glanced through the want ads today, I do not think another job is the answer and there was nothing that I wanted to do.

I feel it at home. I want a new house. I am tired of fighting over bathrooms. Tired of stressing over neighbors, traffic, and bushes. I want a place where I can find peace. I also want to be in my current neighborhood, my mortgage payments to be cut in half, and a fenced in backyard for the puppos. Yeah, I need to get a grip.

I am feeling it in my relationships. My kids have a decent understanding of my funk and we deal. They act like teenagers, I snap, we make up, repeat. I have my on again off again relationship which works for me to a point. Now, it is working quite well which is probably not a good thing, but I have little desire to deal with many others at the moment. That is kinda sucky. I am talking to a couple of people, well, sort of talking. I owe a return call to one that I am supposed to go out with Friday, but I have come to realize that I despise the phone and if that is required for a relationship, I might be in trouble.

I am feeling it physically. I am tired. I am so blah. I finally got to the gym for a bit this evening for the first time in quite a while-it was excruciating. I have gained back everything I had lost. I am eating out too much. I am drinking too much…alcohol, soda, yep-if it’s bad for me, just add it to the list.

It is time for the season to change. Maybe for a few to change considering this brain dump. Perhaps the equinox hit at the right time and I can start fresh tomorrow. Of course, the fact it is almost two hours past my bedtime does not lead me to believe I won’t be tired again tomorrow.

08
Mar
17

Dating Chronicles:My Problem

I need attention. It is a problem. My need for attention causes issues-I get bored, I want attention, I do dumb things.  That being said, here is a rather amusing update, at least I find it amusing.

My on again off again friend is back in the picture. I was doing so good and then…I decided to be a brat. I saw him at Sheetz and he did not see me when I waved, so I shot him a text. It had been over a month since we spoke and I was bored. Lately, he has been attentive (it has been a few weeks). I have little to no expectations with regards to this man, but he makes me feel good and is fun. Wish he would straighten up and there could be more, but will be happy for what I have and let the cards fall where they may.

Obviously Mr. On Again Off Again is just an amusement. During one of his quiet times last week, I got bored and decided to see who was on pof. I was perusing the site and my phone locked up which led to my clicking on a profile that I had not intended to. No big deal usually, but it was a guy I have seen a couple of times, so it was a little awkward. I decided to just try to make it seem not so strange and sent a “Hey, hope you are well” text. That got him texting.

Communication has not been this guy’s forte all along which has caused frustration in the past. However, this time around, since I have no expectations, I have found it comical. Dude surprised me last night and asked me if I want to get a drink. Looks like there is a date in my future. Only almost two years after our first one, but whatever….

So, there you have it. Boredom is not an issue at the moment. I am getting attention (yay!) and, well, I guess the doing dumb things can be left for interpretation. Interested to see what happens next.