Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

09
Feb
17

Dating Chronicles: Out of Options

It finally happened. I had a lunch date with the guy that I have been talking to for months. Really, it was not a terrible experience. Although, I have to admit I was a little disappointed. There was no spark.

While I am a little disappointed, it really did not surprise me that there was not. The last few days prior to actually meeting things had gotten to be a bit too much for me. Ultimately, an unsolicited dick pic was probably the final straw for me. But I had to see it through.

The guy was nice enough, but our encounter was awkward. Honestly, I knew it likely would be just because of nerves, but he had said just enough during prior conversations that I was more so than usual. Ultimately, meeting him confirmed my suspicions that we would not be a good pair. There was no click. I dreaded him attempting a goodbye kiss. Luckily, I managed a quick awkward hug and made a super-fast get away.

Now, I need to find a nice way to say that I am not interested. I am seriously struggling. Scaling back our conversations until I can find the right words or he gets the point, whichever comes first.

A couple of things struck me about the encounter.

  1. Maybe I am not as into dating as I thought I am. The idea of giving this guy more of my time stresses me out. The thought of talking to someone else does the same. So much time and effort with little to no return.
  2. Old habits die hard. All I have wanted to do since the bad encounter is call Mr. On Again Off Again. Nothing good can come from that, but he makes me feel good about myself and goes on his merry way. It is appreciated. Not the healthiest relationship ever, but we know I am not the poster child for emotional health.

So, that happened and another one bites the dust. I am officially out of options and pretty okay with it at the moment.

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02
Jan
17

New Year, New Goals

As the first day of the new year is coming to an end, I figured it was about time to put some thoughts into writing. I have not been the best over the last few months as far as my blogging goes, but I really think that kind of goes along with life in general. It has just been a lot.

For me, however, I cannot really say that 2016 was all that bad. Sure we lost some icons and a huge election, but really it was just a bleh year in my book. Yeah, I gained back everything I had lost and still have not a lot to show for my efforts in a lot of areas, but we are all healthy for the most part. We have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and I am pretty blessed as far as people go in my life.

All of that being said, it is a new year which means it is time for some reflection. It is time for new goals and some new perspectives. My goals this year are fairly simple as reflection has led me to believe that I need to focus my energy in a few areas and I am hopeful that doing so will make me successful in those areas as well as others.

2017 Goals

  1. No Online Dating
  2. Finish School
  3. Travel More
  4. Prepare Oldest for Adulthood
  5. Get Healthy
  6. Work on Finances
  7. Work on House

No Online Dating-I know, it is probably a shocker and might be a little disappointing as many of my posts are about my dating disasters. However, that is really what most of my experiences with online dating have been. Frankly, it is soul draining. I know there are normal guys out there on the sites looking and that a girl has to kiss a lot of frogs, but enough already. I am taking a year off. I will date when normal guys approach me and ask me the old fashioned way. I cannot believe I wrote that without laughing-I have very low expectations for myself in the romance arena in 2017.

Finish School-I am actually pretty excited about this. Last semester was tough and I mean real tough. I have to repeat one of the two classes I took last round which throws off my degree completion plan. Luckily, I can still walk in May as long as I repeat the class this summer. My plan B was adding a minor and going until NEXT May which would have worked, but the thought of it made me cry a little.

Travel More-This is another one that makes me happy. My oldest is playing at Carnegie Hall this spring and I am hopeful that we will be in the audience for the performance. I also booked a cruise for June as a graduation celebration for myself and the girls since they are the poor souls that have to put up with me. Hoping to get in a few camping trips, as well. The gypsy in me is itching to get out and explore!

Prepare the Oldest-Sigh. I hate this, but love it. My oldest is 17 and as much as I want her to stay forever, it is time for me to really start setting her up for what is next. She is working on getting her license which terrifies me. Home girl needs a job and a car. This summer, we will have to start really looking into college options.

Get Healthy-I lost my way. Since starting to work on my Bachelor’s my efforts towards healthy living have gone to the wayside. It is time to get back into the gym, cut out sodas, and eat better.

Work on Finances-This is a no brainer, really. I need more money, less debt, and to be set up a little better in case of emergencies.

Work on the Casa-I have a lot of vision, but not a lot of follow through. It is time to make shit happen and fix my house up the way I want it.

09
Nov
16

Words Hurt

Sunday afternoon, my younger daughter was invited to go to the local trampoline park with a friend. The girls have been friends for a long time and I was glad to have them hang out as I really do like this particular friend.

Up until this point, I have only had the opportunity to deal with the girl’s father as her parents are divorced. This outing was to be under the mother’s watch. Before leaving, my daughter said that she had been warned by her friend not to discuss politics and that her friend had told her mother not to bring the subject up. I thought it was a little odd, but let it go. As always, I made sure my daughter had sufficient funds for the outing and left to run some errands.

When I returned home, my daughter was still there. The woman was almost an hour late picking her up.

A couple of hours later, my daughter returned. She adamantly stated that she would never do anything with the woman again. Upon some probing I was able to get a few issues out of her:

The woman did not have change and wanted to purchase a locker. My daughter paid for the locker and upon putting her own belongings in the locker, the woman snarled her face.

After they played for some time, the trio wanted drinks. My daughter’s friend said they would just buy the drink since she paid for the locker. Instead of doing so, the mother pulled the daughter aside, but not out of hearing distance and said she would NOT buy my daughter a drink. My daughter had to go back to the locker room and retrieve her own money. She purchased herself a big blue slurpee and made her daughter get water.

Then, the woman started talking politics. My daughter tried to politely change the subject and the woman pressed the issue. Apparently, she really pressed the issue and my daughter finally had to say she did not want to talk about it. To change the topic, the woman started talking about how great her job was and how much money she made.

On the way back to my house, they stopped and grabbed dinner-the mother and daughter did. They did not ask my daughter if she wanted anything which was a little rude but whatever. She proceeded to tell her daughter that she had to get a salad even though it was her “cheat day” because she did not want her getting any fatter. The mom got a burger with an extra patty and sides.

My daughter was completely floored as she told me about everything that happened. Not only was she appalled at the way she was treated by an adult but she was more upset over the way the woman treated her own daughter making issue about her weight and such.

The next day at school, the girl apologized for her mother’s behavior and repaid my daughter out of her own money which was totally not necessary. She said she was sorry if her mother insulted her and my daughter was taken back because while she had been rude, it was not insulting. With that being the case, my daughter asked what she meant and the girl said she was talking about the comments that the woman made about our house.  I guess it was not up to her standards because I need to trim the hedges and I have a board that needs replaced on the porch.

There is just so much wrong with the situation that it makes my blood boil. First, don’t be ugly to my kid. I am not entirely sure why there was a chip on the woman’s shoulder from the get go, but you don’t treat kids like that period. Second, I don’t care how big your kid is, you do not shame them. You definitely do not shame them in front of their peers. Frankly, maybe if you were seriously worried about your kid’s size you would skip the fast food period, but whatever. Acting like that is what leads girls to sneak food and then purge later. It damages their spirit.

While I probably should not be as offended as I am over the woman’s comments and actions, I am pissed. As I said before, I have never met this woman. For the years I have known her daughter, I have never laid eyes on her at a school function. She has never been in the car pool lane in front of or behind me. I do not know what their situation is, but I do know that she is not there. I guess taking her kid to do fun stuff and bragging about money is her way of making herself feel better.

My house might not be the nicest on my block, but it is mine just like everything else that we have. I am the ONLY parent my girls have and it has been that way for ten years now. Things like replacing that board on the front porch gets put on the back burner so that I can pay for field trips or name brand shoes for my kids to fit in with the rest. Yeah, my hedges need trimmed, but put that off. Instead, I decided to take my last free weekend to take my girls camping because we had been going nonstop since July with marching band. Yeah, I am that involved parent at EVERY event, or as close to it as I can manage while working full time building my career, not just a job, and going to school full time to better myself. I do not have the luxury of being that fair weather, fun parent but I try to let my kids have a normal childhood and you can bet that if I am inviting someone else’s kid somewhere that I am going to ask if they want a drink or need something to eat when I order for myself and my own kids. Regardless of how much or how little money I have, I will treat everyone that is in my presence the same. I am the ONLY parent my girls have and it has been that way for ten years now. Things like replacing that board get put on the back burner so that I can pay for field trips or name brand shoes for my kids to fit in with the rest. I cannot always give them everything, but I try to give them some of the things they want.

I am tired. I am overwhelmed. I seem to stay that way, but I do it because I want more for my kids. To hear such crappy things hurts because I do try hard.

People really need to think before they speak.

24
Sep
16

Dating Chronicles: Ditched

Last week, I got bored and glanced at POF to see if there was anyone new and interesting. Much to my surprise, there was. One guy in particular caught my eye. We went to school together, although I am a couple of years younger, and have a few mutual friends. I always found him attractive. I have just never had the opportunity to introduce myself.

So I decided to reactivate my account and see if he would notice. He did and indicated wanting to connect, so we started to talk and he asked if I would like to meet for a drink.

Normally, making plans can take some finagling on my end, but we did not have a game last night, so I said sure. He is a single dad and had to get a sitter, so we planned to meet up after she arrived. We were going to meet at 8. It ended up being closer to 9 because his sitter was late, yadda, yadda, yadda. As a single parent, I let it slide. Been there done. Done that. Still it kind of set the tone for the evening…

We met at a bar that is close to both of our homes. We share some small talk and then he asks if he can tell me something. Of course, I agree. “You look a lot thinner in your picture. That’s okay though, I like bigger girls.” Um, thanks? The picture is from December. I have gained a few lbs since then, but not that many. Way to boost my confidence there.

Apparently, according to my best friend, that should have been my cue to leave, but I stayed and we chatted for a good bit. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was nervous. He was talking a lot and was loud. Nothing terrible, but opposite of me in those situations so it was a bit much.

After a while, some people that he knew came into the bar. They started chatting and, eventually, they ended up joining us. I had nothing to contribute to the conversation and was growing very bored. We had discussed going downtown for a bit, I asked if he still wanted to go, and we made our exit.

The first bar we went to downtown is one that I actually enjoy. There was a good band. I was told that I had to try a particular mixed drink which was actually pretty awesome. My date went out to smoke and ended up being gone for a very long time. I actually started to wonder if he left. I was pretty much over it and ready to go home when he came in and apologized. He had run into someone he knew. He asked if I wanted to go to another bar because I had mentioned never going to that particular one before.

Bar three was okay. We were able to talk some more. I started to think that the guy might not be terrible. He shared that I was his first date in sixteen years which explained a bit of the awkwardness and nervousness. I had just about resigned that he was not a lost cause. We were preparing to leave when I ran to the restroom. I came back and he was not at the table.

I thought it was odd, but I just assumed he had stepped outside to smoke. I went out the front door and he was not there. I thought maybe he had gone to the restroom. I sent him a text to say I was outside.

A couple of minutes pass and I got a text from my date. He had left. In the short time that I was in the restroom, he said his sitter called and he needed to take his son to the emergency room because of an infection. It just so happened that there was an Uber waiting outside of the bar (how convenient), so he just hopped in and ditched me. DITCHED ME!

Now, I think this needs to be said. I am a parent. If there was something life or death, sure I would jet. This was a teenager. It was not life or death. He could have waited a minute and told me what was up.

So, back to the story. Seriously. He ditched me. Thankfully, I had driven us and my car was parked by the first bar downtown we had gone to. However, that meant I had to walk alone, in the dark, downtown back to where it was parked. I do not like walking home alone in my own neighborhood from my homebar at night. Dangerous shit happens, even in Roanoke. Not beuno. Needless to say I was shocked. It was such a crappy thing to do that I had to laugh. Who does that?!

I woke up this morning to a text from him that pretty much outlined everything that was not good last night. The guy acknowledged being a mess, said he knew his chances were slim, but that he really liked me and thinks I am beautiful. Yay, I am beautiful even if I am fatter than the picture he saw initially. Go me! Ugh.

So that was that. Have not responded to the text. Pretty sure that I am not going to even though that is generally not my nature. I keep replaying the events of the evening and just don’t even know how to process. I just do not even know what to say in response to all of that. I am still in shock and offended at how it all went down.

27
Jul
16

Buckle Up

Next Monday is August 1. Summer is over. Done. Finished. Really it was over this Monday, but August seals the deal. This week some of it has started with my oldest starting marching band, but the next few weeks will really seal the deal. By the end of the month, both girls back in school and extracurricular activities will be back in full swing. Looking forward, the fall is going to be insane. Football games, marching band competitions, RYSO practices, dance lessons, viola lessons, etc., etc., etc.

And then, there is me. As the keeper of the chaos, I am involved in all the above mentioned activities, but I also have my own life to maintain. In addition to my regular, full time job, I have registered for my fall classes last night. I may regret it, but I am going to go full time. I really want to push through going full time amidst all the chaos.

I have got to get back in the game and work on myself more with regards to diet and exercise. Hoping that August, while being hectic, can be a good starting point for making some changes to carry through for the rest of the year. It is not too late for me to hit my goals if I really try. So, I am going to give it a shot.

My social life might suffer, but I am kind of feeling like there is not a whole lot there as it is. My best friend and partner in crime has become distant over the last few weeks. Such is life, but it makes me sad. Luckily, a few of my other friends have resurfaced enough to keep me from getting overly depressed and the pinup group I am in has a lot of activities that will take place in the fall. I am too social to be happy just staying home all of the time.

Otherwise, I have had a few dates over the last couple of months, but nothing that has led to anything I am overly excited about. The one that I was most interested in has gone silent as many tend to do and as much as I do not mind putting myself out there, I don’t want to appear desperate. I am really not. I keep debating on looking more, but I really don’t know that I am even that interested. Of course, drunken me and lonely me will sometimes take the reins and make me look for a minute or two now and then. But it will take a special person to want to deal with all that I am going to have going on, so not sure I should really bother.

There ya have it. Looking forward, I think the remainder of the year is going to be rather interesting. It will be fun to see how well we can all manage with everything we have going on. Hoping to get some organization in place over the next few weeks and that I can get the girls to buy in to helping out a bit more moving forward so that I might maintain some sanity. Regardless, I think we all need to buckle up we are gonna be in for a wild ride!

 

 

08
Jul
16

Adulting Sucks

Some days I really feel like I am a decent adult. Others not so much. Lately, there has been a lot of not so much. I am sure a lot of it is because I do too much and spread myself too thin, but geez. Here are a few of my issues lately. Things could definitely be worse, but these are a few of the things that have managed to make me feel like a lousy adult this week.

  1. I screwed up my accounts. I have money. I transferred money. I forgot about the holiday and left myself with nothing to run on.
  2. In my attempt to fix my before mentioned mishap, I realized that I had no checks. I hardly ever use them so, of course, when I need one, I am screwed.
  3. Road work. Holy shit there is a lot going on lately. Everywhere I go I get delayed.
  4. My lawnmower broke. Well, maybe it isn’t really broken. But it won’t start. And it is new. Like two weeks old. Hopefully, it is just bad gas. Otherwise, ugh.
  5. I might have purchased the new lawnmower for nothing; my dad thinks that my old mower might have had bad gas too.
  6. With my overgrown yard, I am becoming THAT neighbor.
  7. I have not cooked for my children all week and I am pretty sure that there is not much for them to choose from in the house because I didn’t grocery shop last weekend.
  8. I have not gotten to the gym all week.
  9. I forgot my little brother’s birthday.
  10. I have zero focus on my work because of all of the other shit running through my mind.

And there you have it. Just a snippet of the crap that has left me feeling like a sucky adult this week. Hoping that the weekend will help me get things turned around and going in the right direction again. Stay tuned!

12
May
16

Welcome to Paradise

Another round of classes will be complete as of midnight tomorrow. Less than 48 hours. I have a shit ton to do before midnight tomorrow.

So here we are on May 12. I have a kid taking an AP exam and one taking an SOL. One has a leadership clinic after school this evening and again tomorrow. The other kid has a project due Monday which is totally stressing her out causing her to irritate the devil out of me.

I have work (of course) and, then, a Pilates class. In hindsight, I totally should have waited a month to start the class, but it is paid for and I need to go. I need to do something physical to help shake off some of the crazy. I have three more discussion posts to write, a quiz and two exams to take. Pretty sure I have laundry that was started yesterday still sitting in the washing machine and a sink full of dishes waiting on me at home. Oh, and the stuff I bought to work on my yard last weekend is still in the back of my Jeep. Go me!

The next couple of days is bad enough, but really the rest of the month is just as bad, if not worse. We have a trip out of town this weekend which is short because of the teenager playing in the baccalaureate ceremony for graduating seniors on Sunday. Next week, we have regular dance classes with added rehearsals because we have recitals next weekend. The teenager also has leadership clinics for band. We have a band banquet, a middle school graduation, and my summer classes start on Monday. Woohoo!

Normally, I think December is bad and I am reminded of the old country song, “If we make it through December.” Starting to think that May is way worse. May needs a theme song (Green Day is totally stuck in my head) and I need a shot, or ten. And maybe a nap.