Posts Tagged ‘underwear

19
Mar
13

Attack on the nostrils

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For as long as I can remember, I have had a weak stomach.  I had to leave the room when my mom changed my brothers’ diapers.  One is in his thirties and I can still remember…  When I was pregnant, the smell of my husband’s breath could make me ill.  It is a wonder that I made it through changing the diapers for two kids, but, somehow, I did it.

Then, we got the dogs.  Our first dog wasn’t so bad.  Yes, housebreaking was a chore, but at least he wasn’t a vile disgusting creature.  A little bit of time and a lot of scolding later, and he was, virtually, accident free.

The other dog, well, he is a different story.  Our second dog came straight from hell.  He has earned the nickname Devil Dog.  He refuses to be housebroken.  No matter how much scolding, begging, pleading, treat offering, or whatever else we can try, he refuses.  Why?  He loves poop.  The dog plays with his poop.  He hides his poop.  He eats his poop.  Hell, he will eat the other dog’s poop.  Yes, I have really enjoyed this animal.  I am such a lucky pet owner.

Brittany came home early today with a stomach bug.  I was not terribly surprised that one of my kids caught the bug; both were exposed to the bug over the weekend.

Britt came home and went straight to bed.  She was armed with an empty trashcan, just in case.  She wanted to rest, so I went off to start some work in the other room.

As I was working, Devil Dog was messing.  He got into Britt’s laundry; I wrestled her dirty underwear out of his mouth.  He then went to looking for shoes, which I moved out of his reach.  Eventually, I thought the room was doggy proof.  That is when he disappeared behind the chair.

That was when I started to smell the smell.  It took over the room.  My nostrils burned; my stomach churned.  Then, the gagging began.  I started fussing at the dog as I looked for where he had hidden while he did the deed.  He ran back towards Britt’s room.  I followed.

As I got closer to the room, I realized the smell was growing stronger.  It was not my dog that violated my house and overloaded my sensitive senses, but my daughter.  I was shocked.  Holding my breath, I opened a window despite the 30 degree temperatures outside and overloaded the house with air freshener.

Then, I began to feel a little bad for fussing at the Devil Dog.  Only a little bad; he managed to get a hold of Britt’s dirty underwear that I thought had been put out of his reach and the pursuit began all over again.

I am still in awe that such a vile smell can come from a human.  I was certain that Devil Dog was to blame!   Hopefully, the worst is over for Britt.  Now, I am just waiting to see which of us will succumb to the bug next and dreading what affect it will have on my senses.

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30
Jan
13

A Quick Update

This week, I let some things slide blog wise and thought it was a good day to tie up a few loose ends/give a quick update while I should be working.

I totally missed my weigh in on Sunday which is why there was no diet update for this week.  I thought about doing it Monday, but was disgusted with what the scale told me Monday morning and decided to give it a week before I thought too much more on the issue.  I have done much better this week, so far.

Keeping with the positive vibe, I have rocked it this week.  We have managed to make it to all extracurricular activities on time and the tween has only been late to school once.  Sure, I was an hour late to work this morning, but considering how good I have been lately, I am okay with it.

I have big news!  I found the missing undies!  Yes!  This morning, I found them mixed in with my summer clothes.  No clue why they were there, but at least now I can quit driving myself crazy.

So, there you go; just s quick little update.  Hope your weekend is going smoothly as well!

30
Jan
13

journey of the ice cube

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Now, normally, I am not one to start something, but Larry is constantly picking on me and it isn’t often that I have a good opportunity to get him back.  Tonight, I had that opportunity.  My house never has a full ice tray; I really don’t care for ice in my drinks, so it doesn’t faze me.  Larry, on the other hand, enjoys ice in his soda.  Tonight, after dinner, he was fixing a drink and I was standing by the fridge.  He asked if there was any ice and I retrieved a half used tray for him.

Then, I saw an opportunity.  Larry was facing the counter, with his back to me.  He was minding his own business when I took an ice cube and stuck it down the back of his shirt.  Giggling, I left the room in a hurry; I knew it was only a matter of time before he retaliated and he always gets me back worse than I ever get him.

Moments later, I was in the living room with Jeanette; I thought that there might be safety in numbers.  Larry came around the corner and was prepared to get me with the ice cube.  Larry tried to enlist Jeanette to help in holding my hands so that I could not fight while he put the cube in my pants, but she declined.  She is my good child (at least for tonight).  Her prize for being good…I told Larry to get her.  Moments later, the ice was down her pants.  Squeals ensued; Larry and I were laughing.

At this point, the house is full of chaos and Brittany had to come see what was up.  The ice cube had been fished out of Jeanette’s undies and was ready for yet another victim.  Larry and Jeanette teamed up and the ice cube went into her pants.  One put it in and she was quickly pushed back upon the couch where Jeanette sat on her lap to keep her from being able to fish the ice cube out.  More laughter and squeals erupted.

Larry went back into the kitchen to finish making his drink.  Brittany fished the quickly melting ice cube from her undies and the girls started plotting again.  The cube broke into two which allowed them both some ammunition.  They rounded the corner and found Larry waiting for them.  They then threw the ice cubes and parted ways.

Part of the remaining ice cube was placed to rest in our kitchen sink.  The other part went missing; I can only assume that our dogs found it the perfect opportunity to join in.  Eventually, we all went back to our normal evening routines and the house became quiet again-Brittany doing homework, Jeanette playing online, Larry watching TV, and I went back to cleaning.

I had to smile after everything died down.  I got Larry and the kids got gotten, too.  Funny how something so little can liven up a house; that little ice cube had quite the journey.

17
Jan
13

The Teen’s Missing Undies

photo credit: *Samantha Murphy* via photopin cc

photo credit: *Samantha Murphy* via photopin cc

I love to find a great bargain.  It is in my blood.  Clearance sale racks are my best friends.  In a house with growing girls, our clothing tastes change quite often, so it is hard to find what the kids will wear on the clearance racks sometimes.  Just before the holidays, I was thrilled to find some cute multipacks of boy shorts for my teen on clearance.  I knew she would love them and decided to put them up for Christmas.  That was the last time they were seen.

I pride myself on being somewhat organized-especially with the deals I find.  I have space in the attic for gifts and space in the basement for household goods and foods.  There is a place for everything and everything has its place.  I guess that is why the missing boy shorts are driving me insane.

The first time that I thought about the fact that the undies were missing, I actually thought that I had already wrapped them.  I was about at the point that I was going to unwrap my teen’s gifts when I decided to refrain and see if they appeared Christmas morning.  They did not.

Later, I asked I had possibly given them to her early.  I did not remember doing so, but thought that maybe they were pushed back in the corner of her underwear drawer.  Negative.

I tore apart our attic.  I asked my friend that went shopping with me if I left the bag.  I even checked in my Christmas ornament boxes to see if maybe it had gotten thrown into one inadvertently.

Tonight, my teen told me she needs new underwear.  As much as not being able to find my missing bargain has drove me nuts it is now multiplied because I hate the thought of buying more and then the ones previously purchased appearing.

At this point, I am left with two options; I can either tear my house apart to find my missing purchase or take the teen underwear shopping.    I can honestly say, I am not sure which one scares me more.

07
Jan
13

Phantom Thongs

I started my day today with a call from my sister.   My sister has been in a relationship that is by no means healthy.  She and her boyfriend have both made their mistakes.  This morning, she called me with an issue that has bothered me all day.

After dropping a lighter in her boyfriend’s car, my sister went looking underneath her boyfriend’s seat.  She found far more than she bargained for.  She found a pair of thongs.  Not hers, mind you.  A pair of phantom thongs from an unknown mystery woman; she did not know what to do.

Later, my sister confronted her boyfriend with the undies.  Initially he was speechless.  Then he decided to say that he had no idea where they came from.  Someone had to be setting him up.

After the confrontation, my sister needed to get away.  She went to run errands and came for a visit.  We were able to talk about the events earlier in the day.  She was, of course, upset.  She had no clue what to do but knew things just didn’t add up….

No matter how hot and heavy things get in a car, how does one forget their underwear?  I mean really.  I have been there.  I can honestly say, I have never forgotten my underwear.  Really, who does that?  Although, I can totally understand not wanting to put back on a thong.  Personally, I wouldn’t have had it on in the first place.

Why in the world would someone want to “set him up?”  Even if someone wanted to get him in trouble, there are easier ways.

Who knows how long the panties were even there?  Regardless, he bought the car while they have been together.

Frankly, to me, this is grounds for kicking him to the curb.  If you allow something like this to go to the wayside, what will be next?  This is not the man’s first indiscretion.  However, she is the one that has to live with her decision and they have a child together.  I have to be supportive of her decision and I will be, no matter what I think.

“Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as ‘deserving’ respect; you get what you demand from people.”  – Tucker Max, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

19
Jan
12

Not The Undies, Mom. Don’t Worry.

Since Britt gets to come home to an empty house in the afternoons, she has to text me in the afternoons just to let me know she made it home okay.  Initially she was just to text me when she got in the house, but she started texting me when she gets on the bus which is fine with me.  I actually look forward to our brief little chats while she is on the bus for the five minute commute home.  Most days, they are nothing more than a simple, “How was your day?”

Todays, however, caught me a little off guard.  After the normal small talk, Britt let me know that there was a fight breaking out on the bus and that boys were cursing at the driver.  Moments later, I got the text, “Freddy just pulled down his pants and is being taken off the bus.”

Needless to say, this caught me off guard.  The mental picture of a pant less boy on the bus had my head shaking.  But it was next text that really struck me funny.  She felt the need to tell me, “Not the undies, just pants.  Don’t worry.”

Is it bad that it never entered my mind that my child might have seen more than the boy in his tighty whities?  Seriously, what more can this week have in store?  Vibrators, pant less boys, the possibilities are endless, and rather disturbing.




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