Too much

So I am writing today because I need to clear my head a bit and sometimes putting things on paper (or computer helps). Today, I am completely overwhelmed and I need to get some order to the crazy in my head. I am a list maker so here are a few of the many things taking up space in my brain today and in my crazy, chaotic life. Maybe seeing it all spelled out will make me calm down a bit….

1. My desk is a mess. I have a LOT of clients needing things from me and I do not know where to begin. On the plus side, I am head for the year and hit my goal for the month. Now, onto the next goal.
2. I have a 7 page project/paper to work on and another huge group project due on Monday. It is close to the end of the semester which is great, but that means I have a lot due and we are going out of town next weekend. Gotta get a grip on stuff and fast.
3. My tax return came (good thing), but totally overwhelmed trying to make sure I get everything we need to do with that taken care of (trips, car, prom, house repairs, yadda, yadda, yadda)
4. Errands. Normally, not a big deal, but this week time is crazy. I need to make so many things happen and time is not my friend. I need to pick up glasses, get an oil change, the dog needs groomed, pick up snacks for a sleepover, etc.

Really, that does not look so bad.

Inhale. Exhale. Get shit done.

Dating Chronicles: Out of Options

It finally happened. I had a lunch date with the guy that I have been talking to for months. Really, it was not a terrible experience. Although, I have to admit I was a little disappointed. There was no spark.

While I am a little disappointed, it really did not surprise me that there was not. The last few days prior to actually meeting things had gotten to be a bit too much for me. Ultimately, an unsolicited dick pic was probably the final straw for me. But I had to see it through.

The guy was nice enough, but our encounter was awkward. Honestly, I knew it likely would be just because of nerves, but he had said just enough during prior conversations that I was more so than usual. Ultimately, meeting him confirmed my suspicions that we would not be a good pair. There was no click. I dreaded him attempting a goodbye kiss. Luckily, I managed a quick awkward hug and made a super-fast get away.

Now, I need to find a nice way to say that I am not interested. I am seriously struggling. Scaling back our conversations until I can find the right words or he gets the point, whichever comes first.

A couple of things struck me about the encounter.

1. Maybe I am not as into dating as I thought I am. The idea of giving this guy more of my time stresses me out. The thought of talking to someone else does the same. So much time and effort with little to no return.
2. Old habits die hard. All I have wanted to do since the bad encounter is call Mr. On Again Off Again. Nothing good can come from that, but he makes me feel good about myself and goes on his merry way. It is appreciated. Not the healthiest relationship ever, but we know I am not the poster child for emotional health.

So, that happened and another one bites the dust. I am officially out of options and pretty okay with it at the moment.