It’s Raining Men

Mr. On Again Off Again disappeared on me about two weeks ago. While it was a little disheartening, I have been very reserved with him this go around and did not stress over it too much. I continued doing my thing, gave it a few days and started my POF account again to entertain myself.

If you follow my posts you know I have a love hate relationship with dating sites. I love that they allow me to meet people, but hate that most people suck. Nevertheless, I started a couple of conversations before I decided to hide my profile again and, in the meantime, the guy I went out with a few times previously resurfaced.

Funny thing about dating, it is either feast or famine.

Saturday night a friend at the bar tried to feel out if I would be interested in dating him after he saw the guy that I went out with previously. The guy is older than me by eight years but I guess my friend thought he looked older maybe? It opened up a very awkward conversation about my dating older men as he is old enough to be my father. I love my friend, but no.

I had my date Sunday with the guy that I had dated before; I have not heard from him since which is fine as it is how he is and I am not sure how interested I am. I got asked to dinner by a POF guy I have been talking to for tonight; I had to decline-we are going to try for another night. Then, Mr. On Again Off Again popped back up. His excuse for not being in touch was lame, but I believe it was legit. And, because I needed one more distraction, another POF guy that I have talked to on and off popped up this morning.

Seriously? What in the world is going on here?

Whatever it is, I am flattered and amused. Maybe dating a bit while the rest of my life happens is the route I am supposed to take for now? I guess time will tell. Until then, I am just trying to go with the flow and see what happens next.

Coming out of the woodwork

April has been a funny month. The few weeks have been kind of interesting when it comes to my interactions with the opposite sex. It has been funny, there really has not been any new people added to the mix-just old ones coming back around.

I took a chance a few weeks ago and put myself out there with Eric, the motorcycle shop owner. We had chatted a bit and talked about getting a drink, but it never happened. I was going to be out one night and asked him to meet me. He said okay and for me to text him when I was free from an obligation. By the time I texted, it was kind of late. He didn’t respond and did not show. The next day he said he had fallen asleep which I can see happening. He has since gone quiet again. I am kind of over it.

The next one resurfaced partially because of me. I was bored and got back on pof. Apparently since I recreated my account, it showed a guy that I dated last year that I looked at his profile. He hit me up almost instantly to say hey which was fine. It sounded like there was a chance he might want to go out again, but he has yet to ask. He randomly said hey yesterday. Taking that as a good sign. He is odd. I feel like I may need to put myself out there with him and try to initiate. However, I have no freaking clue how to start that.

Then, last Saturday night, my younger brother and I went downtown. He is 12 years younger and we do not look like we should ever be a couple, but for some reason people like to think he is my date when we go out. That being said, we went to a bar that I enjoy. As soon as we got close to the bar I remembered that I had chatted for a bit with one of the bouncers ages ago. Just my luck, he was working the door. Well, he didn’t seem to remember me and I was not gonna be that girl. I did not see him again. I did get a message from him the next day asking if I was on a date and saying that he would like to have relations with me. I told him that I was not interested in that kind of a relationship-love sex, but not with random people I do not know.

And, finally, following the bar downtown, we hit up my home bar. There, I saw the guy that ditched me on our one and only date. It was kinda funny. Either he didn’t recognize me or was hoping that I was not going to speak by pretending not to know me. There was nothing for me to say regardless. Hoping that it was a fluke and he won’t frequent my favorite bar often.

So, there you have it. April was at least interesting. Maybe once my school semester ends, I will actually put some effort into finding new people to add to the mix. For now, I will hope to hear from the one pof guy and see what happens next.

Better Sleep Tonight

Sleep and I have not been great friends lately. There is just too much going on for me to ever hit my sleep goal and, when I do sleep, I have been having awful dreams. Normally, I am not one to dream much at all, so the situation has not been my favorite.

Over the weekend, my dreams took a very unwelcomed turn and I started dreaming about an ex. In my dreams, he comes into my home and refuses to leave which sounds harmless enough, but is slightly terrifying for me. While things were not overly nasty between us, I have a lot of unsettled hard feelings as I later learned that he had cheated (he is now married to the woman he cheated with) and really feel like I was used throughout the relationship. These are the dreams which I seem to be most likely to remember and they are actually provoking a physical response-I am pretty certain that I am grinding my teeth.

All this being said, imagine my surprise when he randomly starts messaging me wanting a favor.

I am pretty sure I am psychic. Somehow, somewhere deep inside me, I knew he was about to pop up and my body didn’t like it.

On occasion, I do some freelance work for friends/acquaintances. He asked what I would charge to do a project for him. I quoted him my usual price hoping he would decline, but he has asked that we move forward.

What I found funny happened today. He reached out to me a second time to provide me with some information I needed and to provide me with instructions on how to proceed and to let me know that he would pay me after I provided him with the finished project. He would “drop it by.”

Um, no sir.

You do not get to take advantage of me again. Period. I do not mind the side job, but I will not be providing finished project and put faith in this man to do the right thing.

There will be no coming to my home to “drop it by.”

I put my foot down. I said I would be in touch when it was complete. We would meet, he could review the work and pay me. Only then will I turn over the finished project.

I feel somewhat empowered today. I stood up for myself and took control of the situation. Hopefully, in doing so, I can sleep a little better tonight.

Dating Chronicles: I cancelled

I cancelled.

Last Friday, for the first time in almost two months I had a date planned. He seemed nice enough. Normal enough.

I cancelled.

I really thought I was interested. I was on spring break and bored, so I started online dating again. He was kind of cute, decent personality, and I thought it might be worth exploring I agreed to a date and we planned a week out.

Initially, I was excited. He seemed really nice and into me. Honestly, those things have not changed. However, my interest started to decrease quickly as the date approached for a few reasons…

1. He wanted to talk on the phone. A lot. I talk on the phone for a living and my evenings are full. I have no interest in chatting it up with someone on the phone.
2. Conversations when we did talk were one sided. This could be partially because I hate talking, but omg try to engage the other person.
3. He was pushy. We had not met and he was already talking about second dates and asking what I was really looking for down the road
4. He still had up pictures of his ex on social media (I did not stalk to find this, but noticed after adding him)
5. He social media stalked me

None of these were huge issues, but compiled, I just got a bad vibe. On top of already feeling ill, he was just too much.

Seasons Change

Seasons change. Today was the first day of spring and I guess my feelings are appropriate considering, but I cannot seem to shake the feeling that I need a change. Really, the fact that I am feeling this way is a little surprising; I just had a week of break from my classes and thought I would be somewhat recharged. Instead, I am exhausted.

That is probably a good place as any to start. I am exhausted. It is not just an “I could really use a nap” kind of tired, either. It is a tired that I feel in my soul. I have an unrest of sorts brewing somewhere deep inside of me and it is manifesting itself everywhere.

I feel it at work. I have zero ability to concentrate lately. My mojo is lost. I had a strong start to the year and now things are slowing. Honestly, it is natural considering the work that I do, but it still makes me anxious. Sitting at the desk for eight hours a day with no real results kills me. I glanced through the want ads today, I do not think another job is the answer and there was nothing that I wanted to do.

I feel it at home. I want a new house. I am tired of fighting over bathrooms. Tired of stressing over neighbors, traffic, and bushes. I want a place where I can find peace. I also want to be in my current neighborhood, my mortgage payments to be cut in half, and a fenced in backyard for the puppos. Yeah, I need to get a grip.

I am feeling it in my relationships. My kids have a decent understanding of my funk and we deal. They act like teenagers, I snap, we make up, repeat. I have my on again off again relationship which works for me to a point. Now, it is working quite well which is probably not a good thing, but I have little desire to deal with many others at the moment. That is kinda sucky. I am talking to a couple of people, well, sort of talking. I owe a return call to one that I am supposed to go out with Friday, but I have come to realize that I despise the phone and if that is required for a relationship, I might be in trouble.

I am feeling it physically. I am tired. I am so blah. I finally got to the gym for a bit this evening for the first time in quite a while-it was excruciating. I have gained back everything I had lost. I am eating out too much. I am drinking too much…alcohol, soda, yep-if it’s bad for me, just add it to the list.

It is time for the season to change. Maybe for a few to change considering this brain dump. Perhaps the equinox hit at the right time and I can start fresh tomorrow. Of course, the fact it is almost two hours past my bedtime does not lead me to believe I won’t be tired again tomorrow.

Dating Chronicles:My Problem

I need attention. It is a problem. My need for attention causes issues-I get bored, I want attention, I do dumb things.  That being said, here is a rather amusing update, at least I find it amusing.

My on again off again friend is back in the picture. I was doing so good and then…I decided to be a brat. I saw him at Sheetz and he did not see me when I waved, so I shot him a text. It had been over a month since we spoke and I was bored. Lately, he has been attentive (it has been a few weeks). I have little to no expectations with regards to this man, but he makes me feel good and is fun. Wish he would straighten up and there could be more, but will be happy for what I have and let the cards fall where they may.

Obviously Mr. On Again Off Again is just an amusement. During one of his quiet times last week, I got bored and decided to see who was on pof. I was perusing the site and my phone locked up which led to my clicking on a profile that I had not intended to. No big deal usually, but it was a guy I have seen a couple of times, so it was a little awkward. I decided to just try to make it seem not so strange and sent a “Hey, hope you are well” text. That got him texting.

Communication has not been this guy’s forte all along which has caused frustration in the past. However, this time around, since I have no expectations, I have found it comical. Dude surprised me last night and asked me if I want to get a drink. Looks like there is a date in my future. Only almost two years after our first one, but whatever….

So, there you have it. Boredom is not an issue at the moment. I am getting attention (yay!) and, well, I guess the doing dumb things can be left for interpretation. Interested to see what happens next.

 

Dating Chronicles: Out of Options

It finally happened. I had a lunch date with the guy that I have been talking to for months. Really, it was not a terrible experience. Although, I have to admit I was a little disappointed. There was no spark.

While I am a little disappointed, it really did not surprise me that there was not. The last few days prior to actually meeting things had gotten to be a bit too much for me. Ultimately, an unsolicited dick pic was probably the final straw for me. But I had to see it through.

The guy was nice enough, but our encounter was awkward. Honestly, I knew it likely would be just because of nerves, but he had said just enough during prior conversations that I was more so than usual. Ultimately, meeting him confirmed my suspicions that we would not be a good pair. There was no click. I dreaded him attempting a goodbye kiss. Luckily, I managed a quick awkward hug and made a super-fast get away.

Now, I need to find a nice way to say that I am not interested. I am seriously struggling. Scaling back our conversations until I can find the right words or he gets the point, whichever comes first.

A couple of things struck me about the encounter.

1. Maybe I am not as into dating as I thought I am. The idea of giving this guy more of my time stresses me out. The thought of talking to someone else does the same. So much time and effort with little to no return.
2. Old habits die hard. All I have wanted to do since the bad encounter is call Mr. On Again Off Again. Nothing good can come from that, but he makes me feel good about myself and goes on his merry way. It is appreciated. Not the healthiest relationship ever, but we know I am not the poster child for emotional health.

So, that happened and another one bites the dust. I am officially out of options and pretty okay with it at the moment.

Dating Chronicles: Embargo Update

Honestly, I figured with my online dating embargo I would be utterly bored. However, I had hoped that life would help me not be…I am back in school, have friends that are happy to keep me occupied, and the girls are busy. It is not enough. All that being said, I still get bored.

I reached back out to Mr. On Again Off Again and we saw each other a few times over the last couple of weeks. It was okay, but left me unsatisfied in the end. I know it is going nowhere, so why bother? Why? Again, I was bored. Ugh.

All along the way, I have had a couple of random guys that have chatted it up with me. One is another that could go nowhere, but he is amusing and I keep him around for kicks. I have no intentions of ever meeting the guy and sexting is not my thing so why he continues to chat is beyond me, but whatever.

The other guy actually seems okay. He is age appropriate, has a good job, is far enough away from me geographically that he should not invade my space too much. We have been chatting on and off since October maybe? Why in the world we have continued this long, I will never know, but he seems nice enough and what else do I have going on? We have tried a few times to meet and things always come up on his end. He tried to meet me once impromptu, as well. That shit does not work for me. I had plans.

Tomorrow, guy number two and I are supposed to meet for lunch. It seems like it will actually happen. I am a little nervous. We have chatted for so long that I will be terribly disappointed if he is not at least friend material.

Not gonna lie. Really hoping that this lunch date ends up having potential. I am so freaking tired of the same old shit. Would not mind more at this point in my life. Not looking to get married or anything crazy, but it would be nice to have someone to share experiences with now and then. Oh well, I guess we will see what happens next.

Where do you meet people?

“Where do you meet people?”

The million dollar question. I was asked this recently after disclosing my resolution to not date online in 2017. It is one I have been asking myself since I decided to take a year off from online dating. So far, other than a few moments of boredom thanks to a self-inflicted hermit mode, which has since ended, not doing the online dating is not so bad. In fact, it is kinda nice.

I have one guy that I chat with via text periodically; I actually met him on pof back in the fall, but figure it is okay to continue conversations since it has been so long in the making. Honestly, he has been super patient while I have put off meeting him for a zillion reasons. We are supposed to do lunch this week.

Other than the one lingering pof guy, I am back to doing things the old fashioned way. Funny, because that never worked for me in the past. However, I am hopeful. Part of my reasoning for doing the online deal was I did not meet people in my normal life. I was too routine and stuck to the same old same old. You can’t meet new people if you do not break out of the norm. I got bored towards the end of last year and I am determined to do things differently this year. I figure that if I do more, go more places, and hang out with different people, I will broaden my circles and, in turn, maybe meet new people.

Last week, I went to trivia with friends at a local brewery and had a blast. We are going to go again this week. Friday night, I went out with my little sister to a bar about as far removed as I can get from my own little world. It was an interesting experience-gotta love when a guy tries to start conversations with you using a line like, “You ride horses?” *Related news, I think I can officially never call myself a country girl again. Saturday, I played Bingo with my mom and later went to the home bar with friends. I actually friended a guy that I think is cute that I see out at the bar on Facebook after seeing him out. Unfortunately, pretty sure he has a girlfriend after looking at some of his pics. Oh well.

I have a good life and great people in it. I figure if I have fun, try new things, and enjoy what I have, the energy will attract the right people. For now, that is my focus. I will add friends as the opportunity arises and remain hopeful that someday more might be waiting around the corner.

 

New Year, New Goals

As the first day of the new year is coming to an end, I figured it was about time to put some thoughts into writing. I have not been the best over the last few months as far as my blogging goes, but I really think that kind of goes along with life in general. It has just been a lot.

For me, however, I cannot really say that 2016 was all that bad. Sure we lost some icons and a huge election, but really it was just a bleh year in my book. Yeah, I gained back everything I had lost and still have not a lot to show for my efforts in a lot of areas, but we are all healthy for the most part. We have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and I am pretty blessed as far as people go in my life.

All of that being said, it is a new year which means it is time for some reflection. It is time for new goals and some new perspectives. My goals this year are fairly simple as reflection has led me to believe that I need to focus my energy in a few areas and I am hopeful that doing so will make me successful in those areas as well as others.

2017 Goals

1. No Online Dating
2. Finish School
3. Travel More
4. Prepare Oldest for Adulthood
5. Get Healthy
6. Work on Finances
7. Work on House

No Online Dating-I know, it is probably a shocker and might be a little disappointing as many of my posts are about my dating disasters. However, that is really what most of my experiences with online dating have been. Frankly, it is soul draining. I know there are normal guys out there on the sites looking and that a girl has to kiss a lot of frogs, but enough already. I am taking a year off. I will date when normal guys approach me and ask me the old fashioned way. I cannot believe I wrote that without laughing-I have very low expectations for myself in the romance arena in 2017.

Finish School-I am actually pretty excited about this. Last semester was tough and I mean real tough. I have to repeat one of the two classes I took last round which throws off my degree completion plan. Luckily, I can still walk in May as long as I repeat the class this summer. My plan B was adding a minor and going until NEXT May which would have worked, but the thought of it made me cry a little.

Travel More-This is another one that makes me happy. My oldest is playing at Carnegie Hall this spring and I am hopeful that we will be in the audience for the performance. I also booked a cruise for June as a graduation celebration for myself and the girls since they are the poor souls that have to put up with me. Hoping to get in a few camping trips, as well. The gypsy in me is itching to get out and explore!

Prepare the Oldest-Sigh. I hate this, but love it. My oldest is 17 and as much as I want her to stay forever, it is time for me to really start setting her up for what is next. She is working on getting her license which terrifies me. Home girl needs a job and a car. This summer, we will have to start really looking into college options.

Get Healthy-I lost my way. Since starting to work on my Bachelor’s my efforts towards healthy living have gone to the wayside. It is time to get back into the gym, cut out sodas, and eat better.

Work on Finances-This is a no brainer, really. I need more money, less debt, and to be set up a little better in case of emergencies.

Work on the Casa-I have a lot of vision, but not a lot of follow through. It is time to make shit happen and fix my house up the way I want it.