Lesson In Forgiveness

Earlier today, we had a doctor’s appointment.  As we talked with the doctor, he was talking about how funny sibling relationships were.  One of my kids would say something and the other would try to outdo the first, or remind me that they were also doing that particular thing.  Apparently, it is a pretty common dynamic; same sex sibling relationships often end up being competitive.

My kids do compete.  Not on everything, but they do tend to compete on grades.  Recently, they were learning a new activity and one was determined she had to learn faster.  Often the competitions are very random; they cannot walk to the car in a parking lot without it becoming a race.

The problem with being competitive, there is usually only one winner.  Chances are, someone is going to have feelings hurt.  Not always by losing, but by the gloating of the other sibling despite my constant warning and correction.

If you are a parent, chances are you can relate, and know this is not always a pleasant thing to watch.  It can be downright ugly at times.  But, what struck me today is how quickly they both move on.  They do not hold grudges against one another.  Sure, they may need some time to cool off.  Heck, one might even have to do the unspeakable and apologize.  But, in the end, they make up and move on.

Friendships are often very similar.  Especially with girls.  There is something about the tween and teen years which puts girl against girl.  Sorry, folks, but I do not know much about boys.  Many of our conversations are all about what another girl did or said and who made who cry.  The worst part about these conflicts is deciding when you, as a parent should intervene.

Honestly, I stay mad longer than the kids do, most of the time.  For example, I will decline to let certain kids over for the way that they have treated my kids in the past.  My kid will say they are best friends again, but I am leery.

I am even worse when it comes to my own relationships; I have a very hard time forgiving others.  I cannot help but think of the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”  But really, how much better would the world be if we could all just forgive and forget?  I think I am going to have to try doing better and apply the lesson that I learned from my kids.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.  -Mahatma Gandhi